I have now finished my placement at Hooper, which I am gutted about. I really didn't want to leave on Friday, and I’m seriously considering volunteering. I even had a dream I went back to visit and they needed me to cover while they were in a meeting. I’m such a geek. But anyway, promising things in the pipeline; a couple of weeks ago, the manager of Danny’s Dream (a charity that provides care and support for those with disabilities and learning difficulties) asked if she could have a word in her office when I mentioned it was my last week the following week. She asked if I had considered applying as a PA for them (which is what Rob does), and strongly encouraged me to do so because she didn't want to see me go and then be jobless. So I applied. She sounds pretty enthusiastic, and another member of staff said, ‘Don’t worry, I’ll make sure she gets you an interview.’ But, as he pointed out later, it doesn't seem like she’ll need much persuading… So yes. Very promising.
I finished The Book Thief (finally), and it is so well written. I will probably write a whole other post about it because there is so much to say.
Now that I have time on my hands, I seem to have pressed ahead with editing. But this time, instead of just scrolling aimlessly through the entire text, tweaking anything that leaps out, I have focussed my attention on a single paragraph. I thought I would share with you the process I went through, just to give an idea of where I’m at with things right now.
I pulled out the paragraph that introduces one of the main characters, Lauren, and realised that it was not sufficient to set up this character and her relationship to the protagonist, Ryan. So, I printed out the paragraph, with a few lines either side for context and got my blue pen out. Here is the paragraph before editing:
Ryan sighed and shoved his books in his bag as the others filed out of the door. As he stepped outside, he breathed in the scent of rain on tarmac, a rich, tangy smell of the manmade and the natural combining. The light drizzle clung to his face. He headed towards the common room, raking back his damp hair. It would probably be crowded, so he hurried.
Lauren was already there, sporting a purple trilby with black pinstripes. It perched on top of her midnight black hair perfectly, emphasising her heart-shaped face. Ryan pushed through all the nameless people to get to her. The smell of damp teenagers and mud hit his nostrils. This is why he disliked the rain. There was a corner of the common room with several big cushions. Lauren was sat leaning back over two of them on the floor; this was their spot.
She looked up and beamed. It was his favourite smile – one that gave her dimples and made her emerald eyes look radiant. Alongside her pale skin and symmetrical face, it made her look even more like a porcelain doll.
She was wearing a purple, long sleeved top, which had a gold swirly design along the side. It was loose, hanging off her shoulders but clung to her figure in all the right places.
Lauren pulled out her left headphone when she saw Ryan.
Firstly, her outfit was all wrong. I’ll admit, I have spent far too much of my time working out her outfits – it’s a small indulgence of mine, but it really has helped me to get a clearer picture of her. Her clothes reflect her personality, and I think it’s too easy to forget the usefulness of clothes to portray some really potent things about a character. I cut out bits and pieces from magazines and printed some out from the net until I had assembled her outfit. It made it easier to visualise and describe.
Secondly, I realised the arrangement of the sentences describing her were clumsy and stuck out a bit. It didn’t flow or fit in with Ryan’s thoughts. It needed to be more centred around Ryan’s perceptions. I asked myself these questions: Why would he notice her outfit and why is it important? What does Lauren mean to him? Obviously, I went on to answer them. He notices her outfit because it’s part of her character – she expresses herself through her clothes and the way she presents herself. Ryan has a soft spot for her, and while it becomes obvious in the way they act with each other, I felt I needed to put across Ryan’s thoughts about her. I need to get inside his head more. I think as narrator I am often too detached.
This is one of the most important relationships in the story, so I needed to set it up better. I went for sentences and thoughts that served the dual purpose of describing her and showing how Ryan feels about her.
Here is the paragraph after editing:
Ryan sighed and shoved his books in his bag as the others filed out of the door. As he stepped outside, he breathed in the scent of rain on tarmac, a rich, tangy smell of the manmade and the natural combining. The light drizzle clung to his face. He headed towards the common room, raking back his damp hair. It would probably be crowded, so he hurried.
Lauren was already there, sat on a bean bag and leaning against the wall in their usual corner. Her headphones trailed from each ear, disappearing into the pocket of her hoodie. Ryan smiled to himself; he liked today’s outfit – it suited her, as always. She wore black tights and denim shorts, which clung to her curves in all the right places. Her hoodie was black with multi-coloured stars. Ryan liked it on her. The stars matched her personality well; colourful and bold. Pretty without being feeble.
Lauren was definitely pretty. She studied the world through large, bright green eyes, and had that way of looking at him that made him want to see beyond them. Black bobbed hair framed her face, which made it look heart-shaped. Perched on her head was a black trilby – the perfect finishing touch.
Ryan pushed through all the nameless people to get to her. The smell of damp teenagers and mud hit his nostrils. This is why he disliked the rain.
She looked up and beamed. It was his favourite smile – one that gave her dimples and made her emerald eyes look radiant. Alongside her pale skin and button nose, it made her look even more like a porcelain doll.
Lauren pulled out her left headphone when she saw Ryan.
I’d really like to know about any other editing techniques or processes that you find work well, so please share. But right now, I need to go swimming.
